You are a mother after stillbirth. That will never change.
Being a mother after stillbirth sometimes feels uncertain. Not because you are not a mother — but because the world around you sometimes makes you feel that way.
Many women recognise that one moment immediately: someone asks, "Do you have children?" And then comes that second of doubt. Do you say yes? Do you say no? Or do you choose the answer that is easiest for the other person?
Being a mother after stillbirth: my truth
I have three children: Jasmijn, Tom and Tim. They don't live in the way I had hoped. Yet they are my children. And I am their mother.
That doesn't change because they don't sleep at home. It doesn't change because I can't hold them every day. Being a mother after stillbirth means that you loved, carried, expected and were connected to your baby. That love does not stop at goodbye.
That is why this sentence still moves me every day: "You are a mother. Even without your child at home."
Invisible motherhood after baby loss
Many women experience their motherhood after baby loss as invisible. Their baby doesn't appear in a school photo. They are often not automatically congratulated on Mother's Day. And many people don't know how to name their motherhood.
This can feel like you constantly have to explain that your baby truly exists. Yet you have always known it yourself.
Motherhood doesn't begin only when a baby visibly grows up. It begins the moment you feel: this is my child. That happened during the pregnancy, during the love, during the longing. And that remains — even after stillbirth.
What changes when you keep naming your child
Many mothers tell me the same thing when they say for the first time out loud: "I am the mother of..." — including the child who died.
It feels like coming home. Like being honest. And often like relief. Not because the grief suddenly disappears. But because something else falls away: the shame, the hiding, the making yourself smaller to keep others comfortable.
When you give your child space in your story, more peace arises within yourself.
You remain a mother. Always.
No silence from the outside world changes the fact that you are a mother. Not visible to everyone does not mean it is less real. Your child belongs in your life. Your love is real. And your motherhood continues to exist — even when others don't always understand that.
Find women who know your child's name in the Stillborn Sisterhood or take a quiet moment with your child today.
