You are not the only one. But you may not know that yet.

You are not the only one carrying this. But in that quiet room, after the hospital, after the funeral, after the cremation, it feels that way.

Making stillbirth speakable starts with one woman who dares to say out loud: this happened to me. I am that woman.

My story began with hope

My miscarriage was already a loss. I knew it could happen. But still. That dream that ended with bleeding in the bathroom does something to you.

The pregnancy after that was exciting. But also so special. For the first time hearing that heartbeat. Gel on my belly. Seeing my baby move on the screen. It made me happy.

Until my blood pressure started rising. Week 19. On holiday in France I became critically ill. Rushed back to the Netherlands at 170 kilometres per hour in an ambulance. The doctors feared for my life.

What nobody tells you about HELLP syndrome

HELLP syndrome is the most severe form of pregnancy poisoning. My organs were failing. The only remedy was to induce labour. That meant letting Tom go in order to stay alive myself.

Tom died. 23 weeks and 5 days. 340 grams. A white rose at his cremation.

A year later, Tim. The same condition. 10 days further along. But the same outcome. A sunflower at his cremation.

Both times I thought: I am the only one this happens to. I had never heard of it. But I was not the only one.

Making stillbirth speakable starts with honesty

1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Every day in the Netherlands, around 10 babies are stillborn. And yet the majority stay silent.

Because the people around them don't know what to say. Because it hits too close. Because women learn early: don't make it too big. Give it a place. Move on.

But you don't give a baby a place like a glass in a cabinet. Not your child.

Every day women walk around keeping their loss small. Not saying their baby's name because the atmosphere becomes heavy. Pretending everything is fine while a mother inside them is crying, never seen.

That is what changes when stillbirth becomes speakable.

You are a mother. Even when nobody sees it.

There are women who have not missed a single edition of Dag Babyverlies. Not because they are still so heartbroken. But because it helps. Because there you don't need to explain. Because there you can talk freely about your child, say their name, laugh and cry.

You are a mother. Even when nobody sees it. Even when the world kept moving as if nothing had happened. Even when your baby never drew a breath.

Want to carry your child with you in daily life? Discover the Stillborn Sisterhood or find your free moment with your child.